Ready to Talk

My hands have been itching to blog for the past several weeks, and I have a whole lineup of topics I'd like to write about, mostly fun things like book reviews and recommendations. I also have thoughts about upcoming projects, but my mind and heart have been drawn into another direction. It is with much discretion and consideration that I have decided to write about the crisis of abuse going on in the Catholic Church.

When the shocking news of the grand jury came out last week, I was just as disgusted as anyone else. I couldn't bear to read through the details of the abuse, but I share in the rage of so many within the Church and outside of it in considering how these leaders of the Church could possibly harm a child and shield those who committed these crimes. My sentiments can be summed up by some of the clergy who have chosen to publicly address the horrendous actions of their brother priests:

"For too long we have diminished the reality of sin — we have refused to call a sin a sin — and we have excused sin in the name of a mistaken notion of mercy. In our efforts to be open to the world we have become all too willing to abandon the Way, the Truth, and the Life. In order to avoid causing offense we offer to ourselves and to others niceties and human consolation.

Why do we do this? Is it out of an earnest desire to display a misguided sense of being “pastoral?” Have we covered over the truth out of fear? Are we afraid of being disliked by people in this world? Or are we afraid of being called hypocrites because we are not striving tirelessly for holiness in our own lives?

Perhaps these are the reasons, but perhaps it is more or less complex than this. In the end, the excuses do not matter. We must be done with sin. It must be rooted out and again considered unacceptable. Love sinners? Yes. Accept true repentance? Yes. But do not say sin is okay. And do not pretend that grave violations of office and of trust come without grave, lasting consequences."

Bishop Robert C. Morlino, Bishop of the Diocese of Madison

Fr. Michael Liliedahl addressed his congregation in his homily by remarking that Judas wasn't the only one who betrayed Jesus. He said, "priests are called to be on the front lines of doing penance for the sins of the clergy even when they are not our own personal sins" and inviting the parishioners to two minutes of silent prayer while he lay prostrate in front of the altar in reparation for the sins of the abusers.

These are just two examples of who are addressing this scandal head on, and theirs is the lead I want to follow. I cannot just hide my head in the sand, pretend this isn't happening and let it blow over until the next big news item hits the headlines. I've avoided conversation about it for nearly a week, but now I am ready to talk. Here are a few thoughts of my own.

1. We can't hide this. The worst thing we can do in response to the questions, accusations and critiques is hide from them or brush them off with a casual "no comment." Like many leaders are saying, we must be willing to address them and look for justice and proactive solutions. I don't think that we can just point to the fact that these crimes were committed years ago and that since then we have taken safeguards to protect children from predators. For those who have been hurt, that simply isn't enough. While the procedures now in place are helpful today, those changes were made after abuse took place, and they don't take away the pain and suffering that they experienced. The abusers must be exposed, face their crimes, and pay the price for taking advantage of the most vulnerable who trusted them and the office they represent. We must take action and respond to the call to protect the most innocent and vulnerable among us.

2. We cannot place blame on the entire Church. There are still a lot of good priests out there striving for holiness every day. I look at the many priests who have ministered to me in my lifetime: the priests who take their vows seriously and who suffer with and for the people they encounter in their parishes. I thought about my own pastor who carries the weight of a busy parish and many other responsibilities on his shoulders. I looked at the other priests in my diocese who have given me more time than they have to give so that I can grow closer to Christ. These are the priests we see in the parish every day. We ask them to make sacrifices for us; we call on them when we are in need and then we criticize them when they don't say and do exactly what we want them to do; we ask them for guidance at all hours of the day, and even when they are tired, they get up, grab their stoles and go. They do not deserve the blame because of the sins of a few.

3. The Church faithful can't reason with forces who only want to attack the Church. Don't read the comments from people who only want to criticize and don't care about true healing. People are going to gripe about Church teachings on marriage, celibacy and the priesthood. One of my biggest frustrations is the people who come out saying this kind of thing "wouldn't happen if priests were allowed to get married." My only response is that anyone who thinks these monsters would make good husbands or fathers is delusional. Don't feed the trolls.

4. Division won't do us any good. Constructive and critical discussion and debate are healthy, and I think they're crucial to get us through these kinds of tragedies. However, division will get us nowhere. The amount of infighting I have witnessed in the past week is discouraging and in many cases unnecessary. The arguments have ranged from shouting for the sake of being heard to making these tragedies about one's own desires regarding reform. People have been so concerned with being right that they forget to do what's right. It's annoying. Knock it off. Be humble. Listen to each other. Swallow your pride and realize there are victims out there whose voices need to be heard more than your own. I do not mean to diminish the harm that has been done to others outside of those included in the grand jury report, but so far most of the arguments I've heard have been more about ego and less about how to address the current abuse in the Church.

5. Sometimes the best thing to say is "I'm sorry." Many of the priests who I follow on social media (yeah, I know, don't judge me) had only one thing to say when the news first broke, and that thing was "I'm sorry." These were not the abusers, but still they were apologetic for being a part of an institution that so many trusted and were betrayed by. In many cases, I'm sorry was the only thing we could say. I join these holy men in the sorrow. We are and should be held to high expectations. I'm sorry we failed you.

6. Action is necessary, but so are prayers. Like many Catholics, I turned to priests for guidance. One of them said, "Guys, I'm being completely serious when I say this: Don't ask me what to do about this. I'm just as lost and confused as you are. Go to Christ. Go to prayer and keep praying." The concept of "prayers" has been lost on our generation. We have forgotten that the power of God is behind these prayers. If we forget to pray, we forget how big He is. When we forget how big He is, we are even more lost than we were before. We cannot forget to pray for the victims and most importantly, we cannot forget to pray for our priests who are on the front lines of this spiritual battle. We see the news coming across our screens, but we do not see the spiritual battle going on. It is real, and we must fight. Prayer is a great weapon. Our Holy Mother is a powerful warrior. USE THEM.

7. We will get through this. The day after the reports came out was the Feast of the Assumption of Mary. I was so angry, feeling like what should have been a great celebration had been ruined by these monsters. All I wanted to do was find my pastor and hug him so I could thank him for being so good to us, for doing whatever he can to be a good shepherd. But then the thought crossed my mind, "what if people get the wrong idea?" I realize now how ridiculous this was. The Catholic Church is stronger than this. Fr. Mike Schmitz referred to it as "anti-fragile," meaning that it goes through crises and emerges stronger than what it was before. We must stand strong and firm in our faith. We've survived crises before, and with our eyes fixed on God, we can do it again.

I'm sure that for many these words will be insufficient. Maybe there are some who think that I should have stayed quiet about it, but if I have learned anything these past few days it is that it doesn't do any good to try to hide things. I don't want to hide anymore; I'm ready to talk about it.