Lay Down and Die

Francis Maggioto's Elijah and the Angel

Lay down and die moments.

I define them as those times in life when you're facing something that you don't want to face. Instead, you proclaim that you would like to "lay down and die."

Unexpected deadline coming up in two hours? Lay down and die.

Awful haircut on the first day of a new job? Lay down and die.

Introvert in a crowded room of people excited about getting to know you icebreakers? Lay down and die.

Mice in your apartment? Lay down and die.

Traffic at rush hour in the middle of a tornado while wild geese peck at your tires and escapee circus clowns tap on your windows? Lay. Down. And. Die.

Can we please sit back and talk about how many times these moments happen in our lives? I mean, really, school starts in a couple of weeks, and if teachers are anything like me, they are having a few "lay down and die" moments in the middle of setting up their classrooms and fielding emails from parents asking if the Ticonderoga pencils are really necessary. (Yes, yes, they are worth it.)

When I read the First Reading for Mass yesterday, I couldn't help but think our good friend, the prophet, Elijah, was having a "lay down and die moment."

Elijah went a day's journey into the desert, until he came to a broom tree and sat beneath it. He prayed for death saying: "This is enough, O LORD! Take my life, for I am no better than my fathers." He lay down and fell asleep under the broom tree, but then an angel touched him and ordered him to get up and eat. Elijah looked and there at his head was a hearth cake and a jug of water. After he ate and drank, he lay down again, but the angel of the LORD came back a second time, touched him, and ordered, "Get up and eat, else the journey will be too long for you!" He got up, ate, and drank; then strengthened by that food, he walked forty days and forty nights to the mountain of God, Horeb. (1 Kings 19:4-8)

At Mass yesterday, our priest told us a little bit of the backstory of Elijah. He had been a witness to God by proving to the followers of Baal that their god was a false god. He even went so far as killing the prophets of Baal (Elijah 18) and he infuriated Jezebel to the point where she wanted to kill him. (1 Kings 19 1-2). It almost makes escapee clowns seem bearable...ALMOST.

The great prophet even says "Enough, Lord! Take my life..." All this for just proclaiming who the real God is. It got me wondering, "Is that the kind of life that awaits me?"

In youth ministry, I experience so many of those "lay down and die moments," to the point where I wonder if it's even worth it at all. Why walk with a kid who doesn't care about going to Mass? (I could just lay down and die.) Why have parent meetings when so many of them don't show up? (I could just lay down and die.) Why consider sharing ideas when you're certain they are going to be shot down? (I could just lay down and die.)

These are the lies that creep into our minds when we want to quit. If we give God just a little bit more and even if we read on, we see that he's commanding us to get up and eat! And that food sustains us for one more day, one more sleepy meeting, one more year.

People who know my story know that I only intended to be in youth ministry for a few years. 13 years later, I can't see myself anywhere else. When they ask me what happened, I say, "I'm happier than I've ever been. God wants me here." I look back and I see what He has done in my life. It's not so different from what he did for Elijah. He asked me to do something. I did it. I suffered, and I ran away from the Jezebels and Ahabs that were running me down. I cried out and asked him to let me *ahem* lay down and die. And he COMMANDED me to "get up and eat." He hasn't let me down. Sometimes He supplied me with a loaf of bread; other times just a crumb. But most importantly, He has turned my eyes to His Son, present in the Eucharist, at every single Mass...and it was enough. Jesus is not death. Jesus is life. How do I know? He said so himself: "I am the Bread of Life." (John 6:35). If I'm looking for something to combat erratic circus performers, he's it. So when he says, "get up and eat," (as appealing as it may be to "lay down and die,") I'm going to do it. I'm going to carry on.