The Other Three Wheels

Many of us have heard the phrase, "The squeaky wheel gets the oil" before.

And it makes sense. Nobody wants to waste resources on something that's already working just fine. And if we want our tractors to work properly, we have to pay attention to the squeaky wheel.

This saying works beautifully for mechanics, but usually when I've heard it, it has been in reference to people. This is where I get a little vulnerable and turn a popular phrase upside down. When I've heard about the "squeaky wheel," it has been in reference to the one who makes the most noise. The person who speaks her mind is rewarded with attention or getting her way. Unhappy with the result? You should have said something.

No one wants to hear the squeaking. Imagine how annoying it is to be riding along and all you hear is a high pitched squeal with every inch you travel. Of course you have to do something to appease it. Bring out the oil can!

I hate this logic.

In fact, I felt a little bit of satisfaction when I once heard "The squeaky wheel gets the oil...or it gets replace." I had images of myself pulling out a wrench (or whatever wheel taking off tool is needed to remove a wheel) and getting to work on extracting said wheel.

In the middle of all this, I wonder, "What about the other 3 wheels?" Or in the case of human beings, what about the compliant team members who keep their heads down, don't complain and just get their job done? Why don't they get the attention?

The easy answer is that they don't need the attention. They're perfectly fine on their own. But is that fair?

Working with kids, I get to see the whole spectrum of ability. For some of these kids, everything is a crisis. They need a lot of attention. They are, for lack of a better word, the squeaky wheels. I don't dismiss their needs, and I certainly don't feel the need to "replace them," but more and more, I have been thinking about the "other three wheels." What do we do about those resilient kids, the ones who are strong and who can solve their own problems and who are approaching independence with maturity that some adults don't have? What do we do about them?

Maybe I'm thinking about them because I feel like I'm one of them. I'm a quiet wheel. I'm resilient, and perhaps more of a challenge is that I am compliant. For the most part, I don't complain, and if I do, it isn't for long. And while this is usually seen as a good thing, something I pride myself on, something I am proud of, I can't help but wonder "what about me? Don't I get attention or at least some praise for being a good wheel?"

I used to get so frustrated when I felt like my accomplishments were being overlooked. I used to think "What's the point? Why try so hard if I never get any credit for what I do? Why not just complain and whine in order to get what I want?" 'Cause hey, it worked for the squeaky wheel.

It got to the point where I would stress so much about being "strong" and ignored that I ended up in a counselor's office. Yes, a counselor. I never thought I would be that girl who needed to seek outside help, but there I was. Seven months later, I still check in with her, and today during one of my sessions, I realized that I get to be that person who pats myself on the back for not being the squeaky wheel. I get to celebrate the fact that I don't need the oil. I don't need to be replaced. And believe it or not, that's a good thing. I get to own my independence. I get to own my resilience. I get to own my accomplishments. I worked hard to get to where I am, and I get to be proud of that. In fact, I am so proud of it that I have established a routine. After my appointments with my counselor, I treat myself. Sometimes I eat out, but most of the time, I get a cupcake. I deserve it. And after that celebration, I am excited to move on to the next adventure...and I'll do it quietly ('cause no one wants to hear that squeaking when they're working.)

Thank you, Frost Me Sweet, for being a part of my celebration!

Would it be nice to have someone else pat me on the back? Of course it would. And every now and then, I do get that. It's just not always in the way that I expect. And ultimately, I know where I can always get that affirmation that I need. I can always rely on myself to do it.

And that is what the strong kids need, too. They need enough attention to get to the next point. Sometimes it's a matter of patting them on the back when they can't do it themselves. Sometimes it's walking with them to the next step so they know they aren't alone.

All I can do (and all they can do) is keep moving one step in front of another until we hear the words we are longing to hear:

"Well done, good and faithful servant." Matthew 25:23